Take a day off? Take a day off!

It’s noon on Sunday. I just sat down on my couch by myself to listen to music. The washing machine is running in the background. I have bean soup for next week’s lunches in the slow cooker. I’ve been over to help my mom with dementia twice this morning. She’s all set up with her favorite tv show and some chicken fajitas for lunch. I’ll go back in 4 hours. And I feel so guilty and uneasy because I’m not on my feet working! I can’t relax. This is not how I was even a year ago.

I just moved mom (78) to the condo next door so I can help her and, as her dementia progresses, manage helpers. I’ve been in intense stress mode with cortisol and adrenaline since I realized the dementia was a true crisis 6 months ago. She was conned out of 20k by criminals who convinced her to take money out of the bank and came to her house to pick it up. That spurred me into action and out of denial; I moved her out of her house. She had been collecting/hoarding for 25 years so the move has required a heroic effort to donate and dispose of many hundreds of bags of items. I’ve been working on this move every weekend and PTO day available.

And today I’m taking a few hours for myself. Just to try to calm my stress level down and relax. This feels so transgressive! I feel guilty that I’m not running around working to get her house for sale this spring. We need the money from the sale for her care. I need to haul some more junk down the 50 steps of her steeply graded yard, prep more things for donation pickup, deep clean the rodent feces out of the storage sheds. And I can’t make myself do it today. I’ve been either at my full time job or cleaning her house for sale, or fixing up her new condo, helping her with all she needs to manage her everyday life seven days a week, 6 am to 10 pm.

I just realized I haven’t had a “day off” in six months. I’m so tired. Not physically because I’m getting so much exercise in the move that it is making me sleep well, but psychologically and spiritually.

I am realizing that I can’t keep this up. I can’t be “on call” 24/7 with no break.

Does anyone else feel guilty when they sit down for a few minutes in the middle of a Sunday?

Are you taking a “day off?” Even if it is just a few hours? How are you able to let yourself “clock off” so you can feel some peace and even joy?