Looking for somebody for below mentioned situation

Throwaway. Obvious reasons.

She was the neighbor who lived two houses down. When she was around 12 or 13, she had this massive obvious crush on me. I was in my early 20s at the time. She would try to talk to me whenever she saw me outside, always super shy, blushing hard and giggling nervously, barely able to look me in the eye but clearly into me.

A few times she got bold enough to bring up sexual topics. Stuff like asking out of nowhere, “Do girls actually like swallowing?” or “Is anal really as intense as people say?” It was curious, awkward, no filter energy. I shut it down at the time because the dynamic felt messy and I didn’t want to blur lines with a neighbor. Nothing ever happened. No touching, nothing physical. She was way too young for me.

Then she moved abroad when she was about 18. We barely stayed in touch. Just occasional birthday messages on Instagram that eventually stopped.

Fast forward a couple years ago. She was 20 or 21, back visiting family briefly, and the glow up was insane. Slim waist, thick hips, toned legs, full chest, long dark hair, confident smile. She messaged me out of the blue: “Hey old neighbor. Long time.” Chatting turned flirty fast.

We ended up doing multiple video calls, and a couple of them got fully nude and extremely filthy. On those calls she stripped slowly. Top off, no bra, breasts bouncing free, nipples hard. She teased herself while moaning. Then bottoms off, legs spread, completely shaved smooth. She fingered herself deep, curling two fingers inside while telling me exactly what she wanted: “I want you stretching me. I want you inside.” I stroked myself watching her and came hard when she climaxed on camera.

On another call she described riding me reverse cowgirl so I could watch her ass move. She came multiple times, loud and shaking, begging me to tell her how I’d take her. We both finished watching each other. It was raw and intense. After those nude calls the sexting and everything just stopped.

We aren’t in much touch anymore. She’s had multiple boyfriends since then. Posted pictures with them, vacations, club nights, all that. We still follow each other but the private stuff died out completely.

Now she’s moving back permanently next month. She’s 23, experienced, been with multiple guys over the years (probably more than I even know about). She messaged me last week: “Back soon for real this time. Catch up?” My body reacted just reading it.

I haven’t told her I still want her. Knowing other guys have already been there over the years while we barely talked makes me weirdly jealous given I could have taken her virginity and I now want to even have threesome with her so looking for somebody

I don’t want to date her, I want her to be my sugar baby.

Thanks for reading. Needed to vent.