Face of a child, big almond double eyelid eyes, thin long legs, paper white. 

Makes me realise I'm so chopped that I either need to rope max (sometimes I can't even see myself as human and going outside and seeing all the thin and conventionally attractive women makes me wanna jump) or go to the sea to join those who are of my species (whales). Despite wasting my teenage years ≈13- to now on and off  attempting to reach a BMI less than 18, damaging relationships, restarting the same diet, gaining regaining the same 7 kg, binge till I throwup and fast for days, sobbing allot of sh Ive still only been at a overweight BMI most my life.

Ik it's so pointless of me to upset myself over not meeting oppressive moid standard even if not even into moids and why must how fuckable I am to a moid determine my worth or self perception and i don't hold other women to weight standards? It's so dumb and I feel doomed 

Mentioning Chinese social media especially BC I only use Reddit and yt ( so I'm not really on western social media as much + it's less fish in water experience so I noticed it more + it's not like western beauty standards are better they are still miserable it's probably like I said just more fish in water for me, and I spend less time there.) Plus main reason i downloaded red note was for thinspo to make me hate myself enough to lose weight ( and end up mega depressed but I ignore this detail).

Also I read a lot of baihe and danmei (like a insane amount and all the mcs and ml or fl have the same descriptions and traits).

How do I cope with being overweight and chopped?

From my experience why is this the feminine ideal on Chinese social media?? Every celebrated glow up is just women merging into or getting themselves closer to this face  and body? + Dumb Disorded eating referenced in rant