Husband is Passive Aggressive And Gaslights

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Accidently deleted

Stay at home mom here. Im not the best housewife or whatever, but lately I have really REALLY been trying. I didnt get a chance to unload the dishwasher today and the counter was still messy. I don't do those things in the morning because the noise will wake my husband up. We also live off of solar, cloudy days mean no dishwasher etc. And I can't run it after 5ish pm. It's been hard to adapt. But I have been doing all the dishes and clearing off the counter daily.

My husband has gotten angry at me so much over the years for not cleaning, or not cleaning well enough I should say,

He gets up this morning and he starts shoving stuff around on the counter, and my nervous system kicks into fight or flight. I feel it. Its programmed into my spine it feels like.

He's looking for the whisk. I say it's in the dishwasher. He said it wasn't, it was, he just didn't look hard enough. Then he says "I never know where to look for anything". He makes little comments like this a lot. Just unnecessary passive aggressive comments meant to draw the focus away from him. That's the nice version. The other option is he will be so butthurt over a mild inconvience, it will turn into a rant/lecture. No provoking, and if I push back, he will blow up. To the point Ive told him to get the fuck out of my house because I will not live like that, on eggshells because there is a ranting manchild in my house. He will scream that no one gives a fuck about him!!!!!!!!!! When we leave the cap on the toothpaste off. That kind of behavior.

I also have no trash pickup..I don't drive. I ask my husband to take the trash to the dump. I'm lucky if he does every 3 months. I can't get a dumpster or big outdoor trash can delivered to our new rural house, been asking my husband for help with that for a YEAR AND A HALF. And he hasn't done anything. I have to pile my trash bags outside, and try to keep the dogs away lol. I pick up trash all the time..And do you think it's "Damn we really need a trash can to keep the dogs out!". No it's omg he had to pick up the trash this time, and he doesn't want the trash where he can see it 🤬

So I went off this morning. I made the mistake of saying my mantra out loud the last fight we had, )it's something I say to myself to anchor my emotions), and of course he said it's so stupid and makes no sense. I didn't regulate my emotions, and I blew up. And do you know what that mfer says to me? That he never EVER rants like I do, he never blows up, he knows when to quit.

I'm not proud of going off, but when the gaslighting aka LYING comes out, I am out.

Thanks for listening to this rant. I know Im not perfect, but try to be understanding. Thank you