I (25NB) need help navigating my new dynamic with my ex partner (24F)

So here's my situation: long story short because of problems in my life, childhood trauma I didn't work through, no support growing up for my ADHD and a neglectful family left me emotionally stunted, it led to a pattern of jealousy on my part, something would happen where she expressed a crush or spent time with someone else (were poly btw), and I'd get hurt, and bring it up, and she's placate me and eventually cut her behavior to keep it from happening again, neither of us were really aware of it being a pattern until recently, and she's been incredibly understanding about my situation, I'm already in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist for my ADHD and emotional disregulation that comes with it. But she and I are taking a break for now, going back to being friends, getting back to our roots while I'm working on myself. Our feelings for each other haven't changed, though in her words it was easy for her to make the transition into seeing me as a friend from a partner, she's neurodivergent too and not emotionally complex in her one words, and really good at compartmentalizing, so for her she's in a place where she's content with our dynamic.

I'm still hung up on things, I can't let go, I want to be in a place where I can be friends with her, where I can let go of the wants and expectations that settled in through our relationship, I want to be in a place where spending time with her doesn't hurt me, but I don't know how to let go of those wants and expectations, without moving past my feelings for her, but I love her, and that's not going to change, eventually things will be better between us when I've grown and healed. So, is there a way to move on from feelings and reset your perspective on a person outside of distance from them and time? I really don't want to push her away and distance myself for a period of time, I don't want to become strangers in the time it takes me to heal, but unless I figure out how to fix this, I'm just going to keep going through the same pain where I have to hold back from expressing my love for her when we're together, she's my best friend before being my partner, and I'm hers, but I can't be that for her until I get over this.