AITAH: spare house keys got in someone’s hands without my knowledge

Throw away account.

A member of my family has lend me a tool to do some work in my house. We had no agreement when it was supposed to be returned. This person lend me tools before and we had never any issues before. This time I got a text, very late in the evening on a weekend day asking me if I was home the next day as this person needed his tool back. I had a friend over as we were going out, so I was busy with her, and not really paying attention to my phone and read the text in the middle of the night while being out drinking and didn’t reply, as I normally do not tend to text drunk and after midnight with family members. I wasn’t in a state to foresee the next day when I’d be available. I went to sleep very early in the morning, as me and a friend went out to a party. Apparently this family member started calling me from 10 ish in the morning. My phone was silent, as it usually is, and text notifications are always off. It turned out that i had missed 16 calls, 4 text messages and this person had been standing at my door for an hour when I finally answered the door around noon. I found it pretty absurd behaviour to spend 2 hours for a tool, but okay. The person got the tool back.

Couple weeks later I was on a phone call with this family member. Even tho I had my feelings about this incident I was not planning on discussing it and just let it pass by. However, I unexpectedly was informed this familymember got a hold on my spare keys, which were at another trusted family members house for cases of emergency. Apparently the tool person called the other family member and picked up my keys without me knowing. If I hadn’t open the door at noon, the tool person was planning to just walk into my house. When I heard this I said I wasn’t too happy about that, even when I’m not home I don’t want someone without my consent to just walk into my house. Tool person responded that the tool was an emergency, and that I was the one being disrespectful as I wasn’t too happy when I opened the door. I was being questioned why I didn’t respond sooner, that it was odd that I don’t hear former doorbell ringings (this is quite common for me, I sleep through a lot of sounds and tool person is aware of that), told that the text was sent late at night as I’m usually still awake late and less responsive in the morning. I was told I was blaming the tool person and that I should work on that, that I was supposed to inform sooner that it wasn’t suiting that morning and that tool person isn’t a thief but just wanted the tool back. Furthermore I got questioned about what it says about me having trust issues that I wouldn’t want this person to just walk into my house. I explained as to why I didn’t respond sooner, but unfortunately that did not lead to a good closing of the conversation. Till this day I don’t have my spare keys back.

When I asked the trusted family member why I wasn’t informed my house keys were in someone else’s hands besides my knowledge I was told the plan was to get the keys back without me ever knowing the tool person once got a hold on them. I assume tool person wasn’t supposed to tell me the keys were at this persons hands instead of where they were supposed to be. Funny enough, tool person never responded to the text messages of the trusted family member when my keys would be returned. Quite ironic id say.

Am I the asshole for not wanting anyone, no matter how close to me, to just walk into my house without my consent whether I am home or not? And am I the asshole for not responding immediately, even tho the text came in at 10 in the evening on a Saturday and 12 hours later someone kept calling me and standing in front of my door for 2 hours while I was asleep?