Seeing my ex come back from a date was the final push.

(I’m a guy btw) Because of the living situation I’m in I have to see him everyday, we broke up about a month ago. Two nights ago, night before Valentine’s Day I saw him get back all dressed up and with a rose a little after midnight. My best friend was with me and apologized that I had to see that. I took it on the chin and first and cried and she comforted but when I woke up the next morning I just realized that a weight was taken off me. I don’t mean anything to him. He used me. That’s all it is.

He let us do all the couple things, he wanted me meet his parents, he stayed in bed for hours, we spent DAYS together, we never got tired of each other, he BEGGED for more time with me, he told me I made him feel safe, that I was more than just someone he was burning time with, that he was obsessed with me, that he loved how just myself I was, that I could be vulnerable with him. I took care of him so well. I was happy too. He was my baby. And then he broke it up because we “didn’t click” and “he knew it would never work from the second week in” and to him what was meaningful in this was that it was a “positive relationship with a person he was having sex with” and I met his “emotional needs.” And then wouldn’t let me have the closure of a goodbye in the form of a letter I wrote him because he couldn’t tell what the “intention or outcome I was looking for would be.” Give me a break. He just didn’t want to hear how hurt I was and how much I still cared for him straight from me. I should’ve known here that I meant nothing to him at all, wanting to give him a letter to say goodbye, tell him how I felt, and thank him. And he pissed on that too.

I meant very little to him. I knew that beforehand, ever since the breakup and maybe a little before it too but now I KNOW. I’ve seen the evidence that I’m so in the past that he’s ready to date again and honestly, it feels good. It feels good knowing for certain I was just used and abandoned and now he’s right back to his old ways. No self reflection no change in behavior. There’s nothing wrong with me, he fucked it up

In a way there was something so much worse about thinking how he was possibly so upset, or maybe it could’ve worked out, or blah blah blah, but seeing the evidence put out right in my face that I had such little impact. Fuck it’s liberating. Fuck him. I do deserve better. If I have to go through a breakup again I want it to be so much worse than this. I want it to be with a person who was ready to go all in just like I am. Not with a boy who tries on intimacy with a thrift store sweater and then just flings it off when he’s done with it.