New grandparent rant

Hi,

My mother fits the description for this sub pretty well and I just need to get other peoples opinions as I feel like I'm going crazy

I had a baby over 4 months ago and she's the first baby on my side in over 20 years so everyone is very excited.

At the beginning she was acting like I assumed a normal new grandparent would and me and my husband were both surprised by her attitude

But over time her interest in the baby dwindled (which is ok) and she focused on my sister and her life instead (sisters attitude is a carbon copy of my mums - she cut my mum off for a year, spread alot of lies to the rest of the family but now they are back acting like nothing ever happened and I'm the bad guy for wanting them to take some responsibility but that's for another day)

They all went on a 2 week cruise and I had the rule that they had to quarantine for 5-7 days on return as they traveled in November and got really ill afterwards. In this time I took my daughter to visit an aunt and when my parents found out, I assume they are annoyed. I say assume as my mum has not spoken to me since. They planned my dads birthday dinner and didn't invite any of us ( only found out when I texted my dad about going for lunch and he told me of said plans with a 'im sure we can squeeze you in' )

She is annoyed that her sister acts more like a grandparent than she does but in my eyes, nothing is stopping her from also acting like one. Why forbid people from loving a baby. I wouldn't keep my daughter from seeing her if she messaged or asked, but she never asks for photos, has never asked how am I during pregnancy, after birth or now with her in general.

She is very self centered. Believes that your worth is dependent on your looks. Fat shames everyone but took ozempic and many trips to a European plastic surgeon to get how she looks now. Has no friends but everyone else is the problem apparently. Just never has anything positive to say about anyone but posts online about the perfect family.

If I tried to set boundaries I would be labeled the dramatic one. That I'm the one with issues and she doesn't know why and somehow twists that so the rest of the extended family believe it.

So basically I'm here thinking what do I do. My dad is spineless and let's her get away with anything.

Do I just suck it up for the sake of my daughter having her as a grandparent?

My opinion at the moment is just to stop posting photos of my girl on insta etc and stop sending photos to my dad. That if she wants to see her, she would be forced to come in person. But why should I let her negative attitude even into my life? My sister cut her off for a year and all everyone talked of was how could her own child do that ( there is a long story there and sister isn't innocent and I don't talk to her either)

Any advice on how to handle her from a distance is welcome