Lost connection with little kids

For those of you with multiple little kids, my husband and I have 3 sons 4years and below and have been together for over a decade. We both work, both take care of the home, both exercise, and are involved parents. But when it comes to being husband and wife. There is just nothing there. I don’t just mean sexually; I mean emotionally too. There are so many times where we are in the same room with just nothing to say to each other. We have talked about it so many times to work on our relationship and still nothing changes. There is just so much silence between us and it constantly feels like someone is angry or frustrated. It feels like we are headed down of path of resentment and divorce which both of us do not want. We would go out together but right now there isn’t a support system to help with the kids.

Any recommendations or suggestions on what to do? Or input from personal experience? I’m lost and feeling so alone and hopeless on creating change.

TL;DR - how do you connect when you’re both exhausted without resentment?