My dog died

My 2 year old Cane Corso died. A week after her birthday. She went on heat 2 weeks ago and started acting weird. Saving her food, not getting out of her crate when it’s open. At first we thought she was resource guarding from her sister. Then 5 days ago she stopped eating completely. Even when we put chicken, rice, steak, bacon, ground beef. On day 3 she ate some chicken by hand we thought whatever it is will pass but she started having diarrhea. It was friday i called vets they said they dont have any appointments available.

She didn’t seem in pain, she wasn’t distressed, she was alert, her gums wasn’t pale, she was drinking water, she was peeing, and pooping, she wasn’t whining, she just wasn’t eating and losing weight fast. On saturday she went for a walk, she was running with her sister. We thought she would get better. Come saturday night, i took her outside to use the bathroom, she just laid down on the bed on our porch and didn’t want to or couldnt get up. I picked her up brought her inside, she laid down. I thought she was weak from not eating. Me and my son laid down next to her. She was calm. Then started breathing faster. My son’s father just got back from a funeral of his aunt in another state when we were laying next to her. She usually SCREAMS when she sees him, she didn’t get up. She didn’t wag her tail. Maybe after 10 minutes of him coming, she started breathing faster. I told him we have to take her to ER. As he was getting dressed she started panting. Me my son and his dad picked her up, put her in the car, drove her to er. ER was 20 minutes away from us, we got there in 10 minutes. While we are driving she is getting worse. They took her in, they seemed very judgmental but i understand. I dont care, as long as my baby is ok. The vet came out she said they will have to keep her to stabilize her and do surgery. She said she thinks my dog had pyometra. To keep her is $8000 to do the surgery is another $10000 plus more fees along the way, and to expect $20000 bill she said. That’s when my heart sank completely. I knew we couldn’t afford 20K bill. We are barely surviving as is. She said the best thing would be to put her down. My son (11) started crying, punching himself and the wall, never seen him like that. We tried to hug him he wouldn’t let us. I asked if we could see her. They put us in a different room. I knew the room… the room where you say goodbye to your friend, your family…. Because i was there for my sister when she had to put her dog to sleep due to cancer. They brought her in, she was still alive, still breathing. We hugged her, we cried, we said sorry, we told her how much we loved her, we thanked her for bringing us joy and happiness, we told her how good of a girl she was. And then….. she took a deep breath. And died.

I started crying. I said she died, my boyfriend was still petting her saying no she didnt she is still alive. I knew because thats how my grandpa died, one last, deep breath. I knew she was gone. He called the vet. The vet came, he said she is still alive right, she is still moving (muscle spasms). Vet listened to her heart and shook her head no. I don’t wanna describe what happened in that room. Our baby. Just a little puppy. Had her whole life ahead of her. Now laying there breathless with her eyes open.

Why? Why do they have to die?

I keep blaming myself. And it is my fault. But even if i took her earlier, i couldn’t have afforded her surgery. My baby. My babyyyy.

So many regrets. So many questions. Within less than an hour of her declining. She passed. That’s how fast sepsis works. I had no idea. I wish i did. I wish we could have taken her sooner. But then i realize we couldn’t have afforded the 20k surgery. We thought it would pass, we didn’t think she would pass.

I woke up this morning. She wasn’t there. My chest felt tight. My right shoulder pain killing me. I don’t want my son to see me crying, but i can’t help myself. A fire truck passed. She used to” sing” howl when they passed, and her sister would follow her lead and howl too. This time her sister looked at her bed she sniffed it. And didn’t sing.

I don’t know how to proceed.

I’m sorry. I’ m so soo sososososos sorry. I wish i could afford the surgery. I wish i could save her.

We are going to spay her sister this week.

We didn’t know this could happen. We didn’t know such thing existed. That dogs can die from being in heat.

I am beyond heartbroken.

I don’t have anyone to talk to, so venting here.