I hate my brain!

Recently had an all consuming crush on a man and while there were some pretty flirtatious vibes I found out he is married. Tbf to him I don’t think he was intentionally hiding it or anything. Anyway the flirtationship came to an end and I decided to start avoiding him on account of my feeling gross for liking a married guy. I figured since he was pulling back already at that point we would just go along and not really acknowledge each other but then he started asking me to do more work related stuff for him. So I can’t just ignore him and move on.

Now I am pretty much over the crush but because my brain is not normal, instead of being neutral about him again I hate him now. Everything he does irks me. And yet I also feel the need to perform really well whenever I help him so that he think well of me. I am cursed.