Strong urge to message him

He broke up with me in December. Then removed me on insta. Then blocked me on WhatsApp a week later. Idk if my number is blocked as I haven’t tried messaging him

He ended things because he said that he was too stressed with life and didn’t have the mental capacity for a relationship and he felt guilty as he wasn’t reciprocating

It was my birthday last week and he didn’t even wish me. I miss him so so so much tonight. More so than last week. I feel like was doing better and now I just can’t stop crying. I feel lonely and I wonder how he’s feeling. I hope he’s doing okay. I hope work stress has calmed down/ he’s found a new job. I hope his friend is doing okay. I hope he’s calmer and at peace now. It sucks that the relationship with me was causing adding to his stress. I just really want to know how he’s doing but he’s clearly set a boundary by blocking me he doesn’t want to hear from me.

This sucks. Why can’t I forget him. It’s so hard