6 Month Update

I've been posting my progress in hopes of helping you all grow and heal yourselves, and tomorrow marks 6 months since I was discarded by my DA. This, however, will be my last post, as the next part of my healing journey involves eliminating the influx of "avoidant" references.

1. It Gets Better...
   -The first weeks and months are a struggle, but like everything else, time heals all wounds. It will be different for everyone, but I promise you, it gets better...

2. But You Have To Work For It
   -If you don't work towards healing, growth and peace, it's simple - you won't achieve it. For me, this involved understand her faults as well as my own, and choosing to prioritize mine to fix and grow. Education, talking, feeling emotions rather than suppressing them, focusing on personal health, wellness and projects have all been important decisions I've made to help me move on.

3. No Contact
   -No contact increases your chances to get your ex back - but as yourself "Why?" You are glorifying the good with tinted vision after the fact, to protect yourself from brain. Avoidants are not capable of what we require in emotionally healthy, stable relationships. You deserve better. It sounds outrageous that you can simply never communicate with someone again that you loved so much, but the truth is that it's better than trying t communicate and being breadcrumbed, or strung along hoping for a resolution. I implore you - practice no contact, stay strong, and don't cave.

4. Social Media
   -Social media is the single greatest danger to your No Contact and your overall health and healing. Every time you see them post, do something active, know what they are doing, you are triggering panic inside yourself that sends you into a spiral. I intentionally unfollowed common friends and limited posting activity see on socials, yet a few updates slipped through - and early on it was horrible. As Month 4 went by, and I saw a few common photos of her with our mutual friends, it didn't affect me anymore. I had gone that long without directly accessing her socials, and in that moment, I decided to unfriend and unfollow - and I don't regret it. Am I the strongest person in the world? No. I still have looked to see if she follows me (and she does,) but there will come a point where I no longer care.

5. Allow Yourself Grace
   -You won't be perfect in this endeavor, you will make mistakes, so do not beat yourself up over them, but know that every intentional moment of contact, wishing, thinking, hoping for the best will set you back, or worse drag you back into the mess. You deserve better, this is a terrible thing to navigate, and you're not alone.

6. Feel What You Need To Feel
   -For the last 2 months, I've harbored enormous anger every day at various points about her and what she did to me. I don't surpress it, but I use it to fuel myself and move on. She is not my future, nor does she deserve to be. I pity her for being a miserable, alone person who would do such things to people. I use that create strength in myself and move forward every day towards a life I deserve.

7. Let Yourself Love Again
   -Learn to love yourself, and don't let yourself be afraid to let other people see you for the wonderful person you are. I don't advocate for rebounds or flings, but do let yourself talk to people and perhaps find what you deserve. About 4 months ago, I met the loveliest woman by happenstance. I wasn't looking for anything, but she has been the kindest, nicest, most understanding and gracious person about my situation. She brings positivity, humor and goodwill and peace to my life, and it's so nice to know that's what I deserve. We continue to take things slow, but I am a better person for having her with me at this time.

Good luck to all of you. Better days are ahead if you work towards them. Have some faith and positivity, even in the doldrums, to receive them.