Severe nerve damage/ Chronic pain from 13 years of self harm (and my body just hates me lol)

It affects my daily life. Paired with rls, carpel tunnel and ganglion cysts movement is a living hell. My body feels like it’s constantly being stabbed, burned, attacked by bees. It hurts so insanely bad. It feels like boiling water running through my body (at least today, sensations range between extremely hot/ extremely cold, dull, sharp, bad, worse idk. In the winter you’ll catch me checking if freezing water is running down my legs lol)

Ive been debating offing myself just to make the pain end. I fucked up and relapsed last month and I’m wondering if I hit something because the pain has been unbearable in my arm. I almost threw up from the sudden jolt of boiling pains in my arms this morning. Uncontrollable twitching in legs and arms until I can no longer move that limb whatsoever. This is exhausting. I’m so so tired. I’m so tired of the chronic pain and I feel like I can’t say anything because the nerve damage was mostly me.

I’m trying to work through the pain but I feel so stupid being unable to control the movement, I started slamming my arm into anything just to feel a different pain. I’m tired guys. Anyone else have bad nerve damage? What can I do?? What helps?? Literally anything so I can go through my days in peace without this pain. This is a lesson to never go too far in this shit. It will cause irreversible damage and if you’re unlucky like me, chronic pain until you die. This isn’t worth it.

I’m just tired, I have very little people to talk to about my chronic pain and I’m just trying not to give up. But I’m an artist, I’m a writer I’m a hard worker. I only rely on my hands and wrists to remain creative, my legs to keep me pushing. I’m only 21. I don’t think there’s a way to make this better and I’m just embarrassed and hurting. But hey, I’ll survive at the end of the day.