It’s really hard being an HSP.

What ends up happening is my emotions, that I struggle to regulate, notice, manage in a self attuned self aware , self caring way,……end up backing up on me. I’ve always been super super sensitive, and then I had a traumatic childhood, which evolved into having Alexithymia from dissociation, and now trying to notice, recognize emotions, and it’s not easy. I’ve been trying to hide, suppress my sensitive emotions for decades. So I’ve had lots of therapy, but it’s not uncommon that I would feel a “ new” emotion, try to figure it out, give it a name, and then learn how to manage it. It’s a ton of psychosocial navigation. And because I’m not always comfortable, or welcoming of just how sensitive I am because I might feel agenda driven out of shame of how my emotions makes every task a thousand times more difficult, push emotions away, ( subconsciously) trying to be “ stronger”…….but it comes at a great cost to me. Which for me means at some point , when I can’t suppress my emotions anymore, I either get physically I’ll, or suffer so much overwhelm that I have no other choice but to retreat to protect myself. Literally isolate.

So I think it’s one thing to know that you’re HSP, and another thing to know how it might show up, and then respond with sensitivity and kindness to yourself. ……and how exactly to do that so that you can still be functional, do the things you need to do.

For example…..I went through something recently where I’m realizing how I apparently just absorb others emotions. It’s not that I necessarily know exactly what’s going on with them, I may not, but my body feels it. So if someone is stressed , angry, I realize it might not have anything to do with me……but that doesn’t lessen how it affects me. I hadn’t really thought about this in a long time, until I found myself feeling assaulted with someone’s emotions just by being in the same room with them. And , it’s not one of those things where you just decide I’m not going to let this bother me. That to me would be like telling me that I shouldn’t feel the sun by standing right under it.
I did this mental exercise one time with a therapist, when trying to navigate my social anxiety, or what it feels like to be around really hyper stressed people. I was supposed to visually create an imaginary screen, an extra layer of protection. It didn’t work. I would have had to leave the room. I have no idea what to do about that? Or if it’s even a part of being an HSP? Honestly , I have no idea how people are managing something like that? How are you managing being around super stressed or angry people? I always end up feeling overwhelmed , threatened, and physically ill. I would literally have to just leave as my only skill to manage that, and that’s not always possible.
Im just trying to figure out what kind of life I’m going to be able to manage if I can’t find a way to manage other peoples stress, when and if they’re not managing it themselves and it inevitably comes your way, while you’re struggling to manage your own stuff. ?