Christian marriage advice needed - addiction broken trust and explosive conflict

Hi everyone. I’m 24 and married. I need honest, biblical advice because I feel lost.

Before marriage, I struggled with marijuana since I was 16. When we were dating, my wife told me she wouldn’t stay with me unless I quit completely. One night while we were both drunk, I promised I would stop. If I’m being honest, I wouldn’t have made that absolute promise if I were sober — I would’ve said I’d try my hardest.

I did try. I’ve stopped and relapsed multiple times. Each time I relapsed, I hid it instead of being honest because I knew it would cause a major blow-up. That created repeated broken trust. I own that. I lied, and that damaged our marriage.

Her perspective is that if I can lie about weed, I could lie about anything.

My struggle is that I never felt safe admitting when I was struggling. When I would fall short, I was met with yelling, insults, threats of leaving, being kicked out, and being told I don’t love her or God because I haven’t quit fully. I started hiding instead of confessing.

Over time, things escalated. During arguments she has:

Left in the middle of the night and shut off her phone

Packed my belongings and kicked me out multiple times

Thrown rocks at my car

Driven recklessly while upset

Pushed me during an argument

Called me degrading names

Threatened divorce during fights

I’m not innocent. I’ve said hurtful things out of frustration. I’ve raised my voice. I’ve been defensive. I’ve minimized her hurt at times. I struggle with addiction and with being fully transparent.

But I feel like we’re stuck in a cycle:

I mess up → she explodes → I feel unsafe → I hide more → trust erodes more → explosion again.

Recently she kicked me out during a snowstorm and went to a bar while drunk. Another time she drove 90 in a 45 while emotional. Last night she stormed out into a dangerous area at 2am and I had to call her mom to help calm her down.

My parents are telling me this isn’t healthy and that I need to consider leaving.

From a Christian standpoint:

Is this marriage something I fight for at all costs?

Where is the line between long-suffering and enabling chaos?

Does my addiction justify this level of volatility?

What does biblical leadership look like when your spouse is explosive?

At what point is separation wise for safety?

I love my wife. I want to honor God. I know I’ve sinned and failed. But I’m exhausted and honestly scared by how intense things have become.

Please give me biblical counsel, not just emotional reactions.