I’ve been SA many many times in my life by girls and it’s making me question myself.

I was 8 years old. I remember the full name of the girl, I remember her face, where her house is located in a city I haven’t been to in over 10 years. I remember the game she wanted to play that started out as being mermaids, and ended with me leaving her house feeling violated.

I’ve had many instances in my childhood below 12 years of age where many of my girl friends wanted to try stuff with me but this might be my earliest memory. I still think about it.

I had many friends that were gay growing up, I would get really drunk and want to experiment but I was too scared. One night I got very drunk and someone I considered a sister took advantage of me. That’s been my one and only “all the way” moment and I never got to decide it for myself.

I think I’m bi but I’m too scared to dig deeper and realize if I am or if it comes from years of abuse.. Nobody in my life knows any of it and I’ll probably take these feelings to the grave.