I have a questionable kink for my sexuality

Okay i’ve never even typed this out before now and I honestly might delete but I just need to get this off my chest

Im probably gonna get called a fake lesbian for this but whatever. Basically I am a lesbian but I have a huge degradation kink, and for me the most degrading thing would be to have sex with a man. Not any man but specifically ugly, fat men. The more repulsive the better it feels for me to imagine. I keep having fantasies about them forcing themselves on me and beating me and treating me like shit. Ofc, i’ve never acted on this and I don’t plan to, but I get scared that I will one day and I don’t want do that. I wish so bad that I could stop fantasizing about it, but i cant make myself stop. I don’t wanna put myself in danger. It makes me feel so disgusting that I like this sort of thing. Especially when I have no trauma regarding it. I just wanna be into normal thing.