I live in Miami and my best friend is way hotter than me

I (22) moved to Miami for work about two years ago and have two roommates let’s call them Maria (25) and Lily (33). Maria is my best friend and she and I are significantly closer than we are to our other roommate and we spend a lot of time at home together. Both of my roommates are extremely beautiful girls, your typical Miami 10’s with the perfect face and body and I’m a short, obese girl with an average face with makeup and nice hair when it isn’t a curly mess. I have had a rollercoaster ride worth of weight fluctuations and am currently losing weight but even when I was skinny, I still didn’t look like these girls. And I get along with them really well, but I have had one too many experiences with them now where I feel excluded and I don’t know what to do. They never invite me to the club, pool parties, or yachts, yet I see them frequently taking their other friends. The times I have gone out with them have been at all-girls events or the two times we went to a bar but that’s another story.

This morning Maria told me she has a friend visiting Miami and was invited to go on a yacht with her and probably some pro athletes and their friends later today. I said that sounds great hope you have fun! And then later found out Lily was invited as well (Lily also only knows this mutual friend because Maria invited Lily on a different yacht party two years ago when I was out of town). And I was a little bothered at first but hey I know what my reality is and besides I don’t even know this girl who invited them and I’d be miserable anyways. Then Lily starts complaining saying she doesn’t want to go and keeps saying “can’t you find somebody to fill my spot” and nobody is even so much as suggesting I could fill the spot. And she just keeps saying “I’ll find someone to take my spot” referring to finding a random girl that none of us know to go instead and this conversation happened right in front of me and just felt like a sweet reminder that I’m so hideous by Miami’s standards that they wouldn’t even consider I go on the yacht instead. I was starting to get annoyed because I just couldn’t believe how inconsiderate they were of my feelings and I’ve let things like this slide far too many times because I’m generally a very relaxed and easygoing girl, but I had enough. I know it might be silly for me to be upset since realistically if she invited me I probably would’ve said no anyways since I’d feel like the elephant in the room being the ugliest girl there and being ignored by the guys, but it’s the principle. She doesn’t even know i would say no if she invited me because she has never invited me. I know if I were one of her more attractive friends, she would invite them.

There’s been other instances too. Like Lily inviting Maria to go on a double date with her and when she couldn’t go she just cancelled instead of inviting me. Maria calls me her best friend yet I’m rarely ever posted on her social media but she posts every other outing she has with her other friends. The two times I’ve gone to a bar here in Miami with Maria, she was complimented all night being told she was the prettiest girl in the whole bar while I was tossed aside and she made little to no effort to include me or make me feel better. They both rarely ever compliment me on my looks or tell me I’m “cute” when they basically gawk at each other whenever they get dressed up.

I really can’t tell if I’m being dramatic or not but Maria really is my best friend and I am happy that she gets all this attention when she goes out, but I feel like I’m a bit more attentive to others and always make everyone want to feel included. She has been pretty her whole life which I’ve theorized is why she doesn’t really make an effort to lift up others who aren’t on her level because she doesn’t know what it’s like. I really love her a lot and we’re great friends, but I do question if she’s a true friend or not. I don’t think she’s embarrassed to be my friend, but I think she doesn’t find me hot enough to publicly boast like she does her other friends. I get a birthday post on her story once a year and it a few shitty pictures of me where she looks great.

Overall, I don’t know what to do. Im a really sensitive girl with bad ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria so things like this hurt me a lot. I know I can’t change the way the world works, but I feel like a true friend wouldn’t make me feel like this so often. I know a lot of it is jealousy, but mostly as a form of admiration. Maria wants to take a birthday trip to New York with me for my birthday which would involve going out and I immediately thought I’d have a miserable time but pretended to be excited anyways. And her and I are about to move into a new apartment on our own. I really don’t know what to do because I don’t want to lose my friend, but it just feels shitty being reminded how unattractive every time I don’t get invited to do fun things with them because of the fact I’m not pretty enough.