I (17M) have developed some romantic feelings for my platonic friend (18F) and I need some guidance.

Hello,

I've never posted on Reddit before and this is my first time so, please be understanding. The title says it all, so i just need to establish some things about me, her, and the nature of our relationship. Oh boy, this will be long.

I have been going to cyber school since 2021. In my time there, I've made friends with several people in/near my age at this school, but not any super close friends. Another thing that's important to note is that I'm someone who develops romantic feelings for people hard and often. However, for the first time in my (albeit short) life, I have had no semblance of romantic feelings towards anyone for around 2.5 years. Weight off my shoulders.

Entering my 11th grade year (last year) I was in a civics class. In this class, there was this woman, and who this entire post is about, Clarissa (fake name for privacy). She is in the grade above me and is someone who I get along with very well. While in live class, which we both consistently attended, we made each other laugh a lot and raced to get answers correctly. We bonded over many things, but our enjoyment of the civics class we shared made us close. Eventually, after talking casually in live class (where little-to-no personal information is shared), I asked her for her Discord, and then after she graduated, i asked for her Instagram so we could continue talking on an app we were both more comfortable with, which we did. Here is where it really gets going-

We chatted a little on Instagram, but nothing too big or deep. I wasn't sure how to start a real conversation and she wasn't either, but we both wanted to get to know one another better. Then, she sent me a voice note. She had 3 questions for me, which ranged in how personal they were. I don't remember what they were, but this broke the ice. I answered the questions, sent 3 questions back her way of similar intensity, and she sent more back to me and yada yada. This turned into a routine where we would send each other questions about one another every single day- wanting to get to know each other more. I cried, she cried, and we both shared things we had never shared with anyone else before. I had never had someone who I could talk so candidly about personal things like how I could with her, and I was that for her as well. We can ask silly questions like "whats your favorite movie", but flip on a dime and ask about "the most traumatic thing we've ever experienced" or "weirdest kinks." We have been doing this question thing for about 5 months now.

I want to be clear when I say this- all my actions up to this point (and even now) were/are entirely platonic. I had no motives of getting into her pants, no fake friendship- nothing. We are genuine friends. However, I've been feeling some not-so-friendship feelings as of late. Idk what happened but one day I woke up in the past month or so and I feel entirely different about our interactions. She sends me videos of outfits she's wearing and I get really flustered when I see how beautiful Clarissa looks. Even way back in the first week of Civics class I knew she was brilliant and kind, but now getting to know her more, I think that more than ever. She's a genuinely wonderful person who I would never want to hurt or upset. Which brings me to my next section...

The kicker. And the whole reason for this post. I KNOW she doesn't like me back. We've talked about flirting styles and how we interact with people we have romantic feelings towards, and she doesn't act like that around me at all. She talks about how she is very blunt with what she feels (which i can definitely attest to) and she hasnt said anything to me of that nature. I don't have to ask her to know she doesn't like me and you know what? That's fine. She doesn't have to like me back. But I just can't stand the thought of ruining this with my dumb feelings. I have a hard time even acting somewhat normal when recording my voice notes, which practically never happened before. :/

Something else I should mention is that, even if she liked me, I don't think I would want to pursue a relationship with her. We live 5 hours apart and we aren't looking for the same things. I want to (hopefully) get married, but she doesn't. I'm leaning towards kids, and it's a hard no from her. All perfectly fine.

The thing I'm really asking for is this- how should I proceed? Is spilling the beans on what I feel best or should I just swallow these feelings and continue with this? I'm leaning towards the latter, but it's really hard to act normal when she so effortlessly makes me feel great. I'm just really confused and I don't want to hurt/upset her.

Please help!!

TL;DR: I've developed romantic feelings for a friend who I know doesn't like me like that. How can I deal with these feelings without ruining the friendship or hurting her?