The Human Condition - Ch 99: An Inauspicious Start

Character Wiki

<< First | < Previous | Next >

“People want to see patterns in the world. It is how we evolved… so important is this skill that we apply it everywhere, warranted or not.” - Benoît Mandelbrot

~

Tapping away at his omnipad, Agent Noril added another woman’s testimony to his notes. Having finally gotten around to interviewing the high school’s headmaster, she had filled in parts he had previously been missing: Cor’nol N’taaris had gotten out of prison, gone to the Clamshell, recruited B’unta and her gang, had them practice in the stadium with prostitutes, then left for Earth and had them shipped off following him.

But one part still remained unexplained: the money. The militia had been observed practicing with pretty advanced equipment, including what seemed like exo-sims. Where had Cor’nol gotten the money to purchase these things? He couldn’t have drawn the money from Pennsylvania’s account because he wasn’t technically governor until he arrived in-system to relieve Alice Cooper. According to Khenda, he hadn’t come from money, and most of what he had accumulated over his life had been imaginary, evaporating once his fraud had been revealed.

So where had he gotten the money? The only explanation that made sense was a loan. But what bank would have been willing to give him a loan, given his previous credit history? Technically, a royal pardon was supposed to restore a person’s reputation and prevent them from being discriminated against because of their record, but that just meant that banks would find some other reason to deny him loans.

Maybe he had offered up some property or privilege on Earth as collateral? That would provide a skeptical financier incentive to take the risk regardless. Or maybe B’unta’s gang had somehow stashed away that many credits? It was unlikely, but possible. The third option was that whoever had arranged for his pardon had also provided funds.

Regardless, it would be a significant challenge to trace where the funds had come from, given that Cor’nol was currently a sitting governor. Even Zessa didn’t have a high enough level of authorization to request access to view his accounts or transaction history. In fact, depending on how things had been arranged, the money he had used might not have even been from his own account. Shells and proxies were easy to set up and hard to unravel.

Given all that, we would have to write off the financial aspect as a dead end for now. That meant that his next move ought to be heading back to Earth on the next available ship. Checking the listings, he found that the next trip would be in a week, and the ship would be the Lightning Rider. 

Huh. The same ship that had brought Twis’ke and Car’a here nearly a month prior. Well, it wasn’t that much of a coincidence given that Boundless Sky had a limited number of ships working the Gehundil-Earth route. But it was still a little ironic.

~~~~~~

“No! The exos go over there!” Cor’nol yelled at the spaceport worker, pointing angrily with his right hand.

Unloading all the stuff that had been brought over on the Cloud Toucher at the Washington-Baltimore Continental Spaceport had not been going nearly as well as he had hoped. Stuff was being jumbled together in the shuttles. The exos didn’t have any fuel in them yet and so couldn’t move on their own. The crates of spare parts, rifles, and ammunition weren’t labelled properly. Some of his stuff had even been unloaded at the wrong spaceport. At least it was just the New York City Regional Spaceport, and not somewhere on the opposite side of the planet.

Flipping him the V-sign, the spaceport worker hopped back in her cargo exo and picked up one of his second-hand combat exos. Moving over to where he had specified, she dropped it roughly.

“IF YOU BREAK ANY OF THOSE I’LL HAVE YOUR HEAD!” Cor’nol screamed at her.

Forget his generous nature toward his subordinates and the mischievous glee he had gotten by encouraging Te’dol’s little crush, he should absolutely not have allowed him to disappear with his cute colleague on today of all days! This whole organization and coordination business sucked tits!

~~~~~~

Leaving the Emancipation (Liberty?) Bell Center behind them, Rodah led Te’dol across the street towards a relatively unassuming brick building. In front of it stood a statue, and it had a clocktower that was much shorter than the one at the City Hall. There was a series of posts and chains dividing the sidewalk from the road on either side, and these were draped with red, white, and blue ribbons.

Approaching the statue, Rodah read the oddly-dressed man’s man off the podium: “Washington.”

“Wasn’t that the slaver we read about over there?” Te’dol asked.

“Yes. And also their first ‘president,’ ” Rodah replied. “This must be where he worked during the time he lived back there.”

“Shame that they built a statue of him. What does this sign say?” he asked, pointing at a fold-out sign that had been set up in front of the building’s main door.

“For tours go that way,” Rodah said. “And apparently there’s going to be a special 250th anniversary reenactment on July 4th.”

“July 4th?”

“A local holiday named after the day it takes place on their calendar. It’s to celebrate them becoming independent from the British King,” Rodah said. “It's been a massive pain-in-the-ass every one of their years when it comes around, and it’s only 5 days from now.”

“Oh? Why?” Te’dol asked, imagining humans celebrating overzealously, perhaps even getting drunk in public or something like that.

“Why do you think?” Rodah asked. “Why might a holiday associated with overthrowing a king and achieving their ‘liberty’ cause problems?”

“Oh. Those kinds of problems,” Te’dol said disapprovingly.

“Also, the way they tend to celebrate it is entirely unhinged,” Rodah said. “They shoot fireworks in their yards and fire guns into the air. Chemical explosives and chemical firearms.”

“Yikes! Have the militia not been able to enforce stricter safety standards?”

“...I don’t know how to describe to you just how infeasible that is,” Rodah said, shaking her head. “Everyone participates. They bring their little obsolete flags out of the cupboards they hide them in during the rest of the year and they run around waving them. They buy or smuggle or somehow fabricate miniature explosives that they spend all night setting off. There have been attempts to stop it. They ended in severe bloodshed for everyone involved. The best anyone’s been able to do is distract with official ‘festival of colors’ fireworks displays and sports events.”

“I don’t understand,” Te’dol said. “How is it not possible to stop stores from selling fireworks if they are such a problem?”

“If they can’t buy stuff from stores they improvise,” Rodah said. “And a lot of them know how to make their own explosives, no matter how crude they may be. Hospitals have even learned that they need to prepare for a large number of fingers getting blown off.”

“What!?” Te’dol exclaimed, in genuine shock. “Why??”

“Have you heard of the reputation humans have for being insane?” Rodah said. “This is that. They are quite literally insane, I swear.”

“I didn’t think it could possibly be this bad…” Te’dol said. This was a development he would definitely have to inform his master about! Perhaps if he were persuasive enough, his master would even consider holding back his plans until after the inauspicious date passed. Maybe.

“The story of all of us after arriving on this goddess-forsaken planet…” Rodah said, sighing. “Still, maybe this year I’ll understand them better. That’s why I wanted to come and see these museums.”

“I see,” Te’dol said. “Are there any more ones after this one?”

“I think there are more back that way,” Rodah said, pointing back across the grassy park next to the Liberty Bell Center.

“Well, I guess we’re going to have a very full day,” Te’dol said. “Let’s see if we can’t sign up for one of the tours of this place before it gets too busy.”

“Good idea,” Rodah said.

~~~~~~

Agent Gy’toris pondered her next steps. After talking to Director Vi’kari yesterday, she felt uneasy. Being told to sit back and basically do nothing for the moment at least partially grated with her sense of duty. Was there somewhere she could act without disturbing the situation like Vi’kari wanted to avoid?

Maybe there was. Cor’nol had directly asked for her assistance with solving the I’arna case. She had previously refrained from taking over the case from the militia because she had hoped that Alice’s new and reformed force would be able to resolve things in a way that was at least satisfactory, if not entirely ideal. Now that Cor’nol was starting to drift away from both Alice’s outward and inward-facing policies, that seemed like a less certain outcome.

Assassinating an Imperial citizen should, in theory, be a big deal. Big enough to be a serious hitch to whoever was responsible if Gy’toris could pin the blame definitively on her. And Gy’toris was already pretty sure she knew who was responsible. “Destroyed in advanced anti-insurgent training.” Advanced training meant special forces. And there was one woman with access to special forces that had despised Alice. Esteemed Lady Lannoris had been humiliated by her, both in public and in private. They had specifically forbidden anyone from messing with Alice in order to dissuade her.

All Agent Gy’toris needed was proper evidence that she had tried to circumvent that prohibition. Which was why she was going to take over the investigation from the Pennsylvania Militia. They wouldn’t like that, but telling them it might be Lannoris and letting them release that information publicly would be worse. The case needed to be sealed until the most opportune hour.

~~~~~~

“Another Friday, another sandwich,” Ralph said, taking a bite out of his usual order from Anthony’s.

“Don’t you get sick of getting the exact same thing every time?” Phillip asked, raising a bit of salad to his mouth with his fork. “You even had it at the ceremony."

“Nah. But speaking of the ceremony, how’s Lil’ae doing with her new rank? I mean, officially. I know that she got special command of her squad a little while back.”

In the background, Ralph noticed noticed Mayor Zeke enter the restaurant and sit down in the next booth over.

“She’s been pretty happy,” Phillip said “she had a bit of a bounce in her step the rest of the day.”

“Good for her,” Ralph said. “How are things going between you two?”

“Great,” Phillip said. “We’re settling into the comfortable zone with each other. Now we’ll see if our relationship will last.”

“Do you think it will?” Ralph asked, trying not to sound rude. He was genuinely concerned with his friend’s well-being, after all.

“I’m optimistic,” Phillip said. “She’s content with the level of physical affection I’m comfortable giving, and we seem to get along well enough.”

“Not to pry, but have you two ever fought?” Ralph said. “Or rather, have you had significant disagreements, and were you able to resolve them?”

“Oh, good question,” Phillip said. “I imagine you ask that because you’ve found yourself needing to do that with Helen?”

“Not often, but it is the nature of people to disagree at times,” Ralph said. “The common advice is that communication is key, and I couldn’t agree more. The moment I decided I wanted to marry Helen was after the second time we argued about who should cook dinner. She realized that neither of us had moved past our positions from the first argument, and we were both tired and hungry. So we ate cereal for dinner and had a calm and rational discussion about how we were both being assholes about it.”

“Heh heh heh, how romantic,” Phillip chuckled. “I mean, I was able to have a calm and productive discussion with Lil about my sexuality, or lack thereof, and also about how humans moved slower with marriage than shil’vati. She took what I would imagine were disappointing answers for her in stride, and we discussed what those sorts of cultural differences meant to us.”

“That’s good,” Ralph said. “I wish you two the best. And should the best eventually come to pass, I hope you’ll return the favor I paid you at my wedding and let me be the best man.”

“Nah, I was thinking about giving that honor to Al,” Phillip said, before cracking a wide smile. “Just kidding. Of course it’ll be you, should things turn out that way.”

“Eh, I honestly wouldn’t mind you choosing either Al or Emma,” Ralph said. “After all, we’ve all been friends with each other for the same amount of time. Besides, I’m not very good at speeches.”

“That’s not true,” Phillip countered. “You’re great at speaking. I still remember your salutatorian speech from our high school graduation.”

“You only remember that because Al nailed me with that water balloon halfway through it!”

“But you still finished your speech, regardless of the ink on your script running into illegibility.”

“True. I’m surprised you remember that part.”

“Hey, I have an eye for details,” Phillip said. “Comes in handy sometimes.”

“I have no doubt it does,” Ralph said, turning his head at the sight of a familiar shil’vati colonel entering the diner and walking over to sit down across from Zeke. Details. They were important.

“So, a booth this time?” Colonel Lo’tic asked Zeke. Ralph could see there were currently tables open. Had Zeke chosen a booth on purpose?

“We’re talking serious business today, I’m afraid,” Zeke said, sighing.

Ralph looked forward again, and saw Phillip staring intensely at him. His expression was questioning, probably about if it was okay for them to be listening in on the conversation from the neighboring booth. Ralph shrugged in response. He figured that if Lo’tic and Zeke were really going to discuss classified stuff they wouldn’t be doing it in public. 

Also, as a member of the Friends he desperately wanted to get all the intel he could.

“What’s your opinion of the new governor?” Zeke asked Lo’tic, opening coldly to a degree that Ralph didn’t generally expect from the man

“I’m a marine. We don’t do politics. Or, at least, we try not to,” Lo’tic responded neutrally, hedging himself.

“Well, I’ve heard that a significant number of people around here are having misgivings about him,” Zeke said, quietly and conspiratorily, although at a volume that was still audible from their booth. “Enough for certain… measures to be contemplated.”

Ah. Zeke was passing the results of the Friends' last meeting to Lo’tic. Hopefully the good Colonel wouldn’t overreact to that news…

“You said a while ago that Alice Cooper was from here. Does that have anything to do with this? Does she have some very good friends here?”

“I mean, the town liked her as much as any other town in Pennsylvania,” Zeke said. “And she’s moved back here to be with her family, but she’s had no hand in this, as far as I’m aware.”

“I hope that I trust you when you say that,” Lo’tic said. “And what about friends who care more than she does?”

“No, like I said, she seems to have taken a stance on staying out of politics just as you have.”

“And how do you know all this? The usual sources?”

“Can’t tell you,” Zeke said.

“So the usual sources.” Lo’tic responded as if he and Zeke had had very similar conversations before. “What sort of measures? Should I be expecting casualties to resume?”

Ralph thought that he could hear some strain creeping into Colonel Lo’tic’s voice towards the end there.

“Not yet. Not unless the governor does something bad. That’s what they told me,” Zeke said.

“Thank the goddess.” Ralph thought he heard Lo’tic mumble under his breath. “Zeke, can I ask you something?”

“Yes, anything,” the human mayor replied.

“I… may have a proposal. Can you carry a message to your ‘sources’?”

“I don’t know how easily I can send a message in reverse, but I’m willing to try.”

“Good. I want you to ask them if they know that what the governor says or does does not necessarily reflect the policy of the marines.”

“What?”

“I want you to tell them that we’re not the governor’s lackeys. That we’re not their targets. That interfering with Pennsylvania’s internal politics isn’t part of our job.”

“You want me to tell them that… you don’t want to fight them?” 

Now this was unexpected. Ralph had guessed that Colonel Lo’tic wanted to avoid bloodshed, but not by that much.

“If this town stays green, there will be no reason for people to get hurt,” Lo’tic said, neither confirming or denying Zeke’s question “Again, the marines are not responsible for the governor’s actions. We have our own mission.”

“You know that the fourth is coming up again soon, right?” Zeke asked.

“Yes,” Lot’ic replied.

“Well, if what you say is true, that if things stay reasonable there will be no reason for anyone to get hurt… can you be reasonable about that?”

“I can,” Lo’tic said. “I will let your people set off all the pyrotechnics they want without consequence, so long as they don’t start forest fires. If someone complains, it won’t be me or my women.”

Theoretically, the militia could decide to enforce a ban instead. But now that the militia in town was all humans… Ralph knew they would absolutely let fireworks slide.

“Great!” Zeke said, pumping his fist. “I’ll organize something in town then! It’ll be short notice, but I can definitely get the fire department on standby! As a bonus, I’ll also make sure the fireworks are visible from the base.”

Ralph could not see Zeke, but anyone familiar with the boisterous man’s mannerisms could tell that he was giving Colonel Lo’tic a big, friendly wink during that last part.

“Oh! We could also have a town barbecue! No proper party on the fourth is complete without one. You guys–er, gals, would probably be welcome too if you wanted to come! At least, I think. I would welcome you.”

“Heh, I hope I don’t regret this…” Lo’tic said, probably shaking his head as he spoke.

“I’ll do my best to see to it that you don’t,” Zeke said. “...Well, if you don’t have any other business, I’ll be going now. I’ve got a barbecue and fireworks to plan!”

“You’re not going to eat?”

“Nah, my wife packed me something and I don’t want to let her wonderful work go to waste. Plus I’m about to get really busy, so toodle-oo!”

“I assume that means goodbye? Well, see you,” Colonel Lo’tic responded.

Zeke stood up and started to walk away, then stopped and turned back.

“I almost forgot! Niosa?” he guessed. Ralph assumed he was missing some of the context for this part of their conversation.

“Not quite!” Lo’tic responded cheerfully.

“What the heck? I’ve already gone through all of your major pantheon, right?” Zeke said. “Shamatl, Niosa, Thoira, Shil, Killa, Jrafell, Krek, and that’s all of them, right? Please don’t tell me it’s some random star goddess!”

“She’s not a random star goddess!” Lo’tic protested. “She’s… well, you’ll just have to keep guessing!”

“Fine. Next time!”

After Zeke left, silence reigned for a good moment.

“...do you think we weren’t supposed to hear that?” Phillip leaned in and whispered conspiratorily to Ralph.

“I’m not surprised you did,” Lo’tic said, popping his head around the side of the booth in a way that oddly reminded Ralph of the first time they had met Lil’ae, except he wasn’t tall enough to put his head over the top of the seat, so he went around the side instead. “And I don’t care. Just don’t tell anyone I said this officially, because I didn’t. The official stance of the marines remains that private handling of pyrotechnics is dangerous and can result in injuries or fires.”

“Got it,” Phillip said. “I was worried there for a second we would be in trouble or something.”

“No, you’re fine. I chose to sit down here knowing you were in the next booth over,” Lo’tic said. “It’s where you two always are.”

“Well, since Zeke’s gone, do you want to eat with us?” Ralph asked.

“Sure. No reason not to, I guess,” Lo’tic said, moving over to sit next to Phillip. “So, nice weather out, huh?”

~~~~~~

Stepping back out into the park after touring what he had learned was called ‘Independence Hall’ by the humans, Te’dol reflected on how the name was now quite less apt than it once was.

“So, what did you think?” Rodah asked him, grabbing a brochure for the upcoming reenactment from a nearby table.

“That the tour guide is not very fluent in Vatikre,” Te’dol said. He had to have his omnipad out to translate for most of the tour. “At least, not nearly as well as he thinks he is.”

“Yeah, his accent was pretty thick too. Honestly I gotta wonder if he learned Vatikre purely by watching Cambrian clan-dramas or something like that.”

“Heh. And the building wasn’t bad, I guess,” Te’dol said. “Nice architecture, if a bit plain.”

“I think it’s more about what happened there than anything else,” Rodah posited. “It’s a monument to people we would call traitors. I can’t help but recall the women in our history who made equally bold choices in launching the Wars of Refusal, and how no monuments to them remain. At least, no monuments that the Empress knows about. Their old halls and meetinghouses lay in ruins or have been built over in the long centuries since the Imperium was reunified.”

“Of course they are not celebrated,” Te’dol said. “They made the wrong choice.”

“Some still praise them, especially on their homeworlds,” Rodah said. “Of course, the biggest reason there are so few who do is because they failed. One wonders how popular they might be, and how unpopular the Tasoos might be if the rebel queens had succeeded instead. That is why I found the building interesting.”

“A glimpse into a worse timeline, eh?” Te’dol said. “One of fractiousness and disorder, before an eventual fall to outsiders.”

“Partly that, but I feel like there is more to say about the United States of America than that,” Rodah said. “Nobody builds a museum to chaos and confusion, and certainly not so nice a museum as this.”

“Perhaps,” Te’dol said. Annoyingly, Rodah’s enthusiasm and curiosity to ‘get to the bottom’ of the human conundrum was starting to infect him too. “It must’ve kept some people happy to not have been immediately replaced by a more stable monarchy.”

“And I think I know where we can go to get a better perspective on that,” Rodah said, pointing straight ahead back past the Liberty Bell Center and the half-built house of Washington to a large grey building two blocks distant. “That’s the [National Constitutional Center.] Or at least, that’s what it used to be called. Now it’s the Historical Document Museum.”

“...you had this itinerary all planned out, didn’t you?” Te’dol asked.

“I’m not the kind of woman who goes on a da–er, outing! Who goes on an outing without a plan. I’m very sorry if I ruined the feeling of spontaneity for you!"

“I can’t really say I’m any different. I like to do my research,” Te’dol said, smiling at her, though he was unsure why she was now blushing. Proper planning skills were nothing to be embarrassed about! 

“Well then, lead on, my… friend! Hopefully we will find satisfactory answers to your questions there,” Te’dol said, holding out his hand for her to take.

~

<< First | < Previous | Next >