Venting to let it out and not be full of sadness & shame

I’ve been sitting in my shame of failure and crying since I woke up. I cried myself to sleep, woke up with a headache and cried more before trying to take a shower to maybe feel better but I cried in the shower too and I can’t let this feeling go

I chased my dream for a year and my whole world flipped upside down. I ruined my finances, my relationship has so much tension because of it, my friends ask me how it goes and I just smile and give vague “yeah it’s going good”

This morning I decided to pack up shop, go get a stable job and fix my finances but it feels like such utter defeat and embarrassment cause everyone who was cheering me on is going to be like oh he gave up, he failed, he must’ve not been good at what he did…etc etc

I don’t have anyone to talk AND I KNOW if you’re feeling a certain way reach out to friends, I would want my friends to do the same but I just can’t fathom burdening their day or they see me differently after I cry my eyes out

It’s 100% true that the happiest funniest friends are the ones to ask what’s wrong. Nobody would suspect how I feel right now which is why I feel comfortable here because nobody can judge me and see me differently.

I’m going to go out for a walk it’s nice weather, I wanna let this feeling go but it feels latched onto my chest