Long term rrlationshippers

I recently turned 30.

Im a woman in a middle-management position within an engineering/maintenance company. I come from a multiskilled maintenance background and have moved into 100% electrical, from 11kV to 0V. I'm no longer on the tools so I don't need to know everything technical, but it helps to have a good solid base because I organise a lot of work. I'm good at my job because I'm organised and good with people and I am picking up the technical aspect pretty quickly.

I genuinely care about my team... All men. And since starting this job in May 2025, one of the things I've learned how to manage is insecure men. Pretty much all men want to "get along", very few are legitamite mysogenists, but most of them are extremely insecure to start with and are mean, unhelpful, rude. I could easily take it to heart, get defensive and pushy, but I stay curious, kind, offer to buy them breakfast when they're on overtime, run errands for them, be thankful, so on, but also set expectations. I do think management is a support role as much as a leader role.

One thing I've noticed is how I fall into step very well with all men who are in relationships with women. The dynamic becomes one that's like a marriage, the roles are assumed and as long as I remain helpful and complimentary, everything goes smoothly and nobody complains. The men do *graft* and I'm proud of them. It's brilliantly economical and i can get the team to do much more than my male colleague who has been in the same role as me for the past 5 years... He tends to use "the stick" to manage the staff, though has more technical knowledge than I do and I assumed that would mean more respect.

Also, my colleague who uses "the stick" with the fellas also falls into the "managed via marriage rules" category. We both have the same job so I don't actually manage him, but he is a difficult personality so I do have to "manage" him if you know what I mean. Again, I stay helpful and complimenratyand we get along extremely well when he clashes with most other people.

What do you guys think of this dynamic? Do you have anything similar in your places of work?

TL;DR working relationships and marriage rules