Idk kinda on edge rn

Kinda everything going downhill from like 6 months ago when my wife of 5 yrs left me, since then I was spiraling down with little ups and huge downs, but recently downs dominate it a lot and I don't feel like on keeping on living, like I don't see any point, In a way that it didn't get better in 6 months, no indication of it getting better later

I'm a lonely dude and I dislike people for the most part, I don't have any friends and likely won't have any in future. Worst thing is I can't meaningfully replace her.

I had couple of women and ons over the time being alone to whom I feel nothing but disgust(physical apperance and how they act)

My ex was perfect in every way possible, physically exactly my type down to the hair color and my favourite name, mentally person who shared my every interest and also wasn't a people person just like I am.

Very few women I actually could develop feelings towards don't reciprocate and I don't see how this changes to the better as I am getting older and even more uglier.

And I'm complete person in a way, I have everything I ever wanted and I'm 28YO, there's nothing left for me to strive for, I just wanted a family and been happy when I had one, rn there's nothingness.

Just trying to find a single reason to keep on living and having great trouble to do so, suicide thougts never felt this real and calming, which is little scary NGL, but I don't even know why they are scary lol.