Struggling

I’m struggling really bad. I’ve been with the same man since I was 19. I’m almost 32. Almost 3 years ago, I got my first outbreak out of nowhere & was diagnosed with GHSV1. I was crushed. I had quite a few outbreaks but then once I lost some weight, I went a really long time with no outbreak (10 months). I’ve gained some of my weight back and my outbreaks got more frequent. Im working on losing the weight again but I am now never wanting to have sex. I’m married. My husband has never had any symptoms of HSV though I’m aware he could be asymptomatic. I have become absolutely terrified to have sex, even on antivirals. I don’t get any prodrome symptoms so I’m terrified to have sex God forbid I wake up to an outbreak the next morning and then I passed it to him the day before. I also know I can shed without having an outbreak. Since it’s HSV1, I have concerns about spreading it to him genitally and orally. This is severely impacting my mental health and my marriage as we have very little physical intimacy. I will do for him but we almost never have penetrative sex. How do I go back to having a healthy sex life? I am so mentally unwell over this and I don’t know where to turn. Any advice would be appreciated.