Question to my Muslim married or ex married sisters

Salam everyone,

This is a sensitive and personal post, so I kindly ask for respectful responses. I truly need some guidance so I can better understand my husband and our situation.

Maybe I am missing something or not seeing things clearly, so I would really appreciate some honest feedback.

My husband has knee problems and is also overweight. He has shared that his health is the reason he doesn’t approach me often. I have a higher libido, even after having a baby, and I am generally healthy and active. I take care of myself — I exercise regularly, I dress nicely, and I make an effort to look appealing and approachable for my husband. Because of this, I usually initiate intimacy and tend to take on most of the effort during intimacy. He rarely approaches me.

Over time, I have started to feel unwanted and hurt, even though I try not to take it personally. I’ve tried to be patient and understanding, but he doesn’t seem motivated to improve his health. He doesn’t exercise, see a doctor, or consistently maintain good hygiene. This has been ongoing for about three years.

He has told me that his health affects his ability to maintain an erection, and sometimes it only lasts a few minutes. Although he reassures me that it isn’t about me, it still affects my confidence. I try to believe him when he says he doesn’t watch porn.

Recently, however, I discovered that he signed up for an online program designed to help Muslim men overcome porn addiction. I am glad if he is trying to better himself, but I was surprised and hurt because he previously told me he does not watch porn. It made me question whether I have been blaming myself unnecessarily.

I am also confused. If his struggles are mainly health-related, would that still align with having urges for porn? I don’t fully understand how these things connect.

I feel embarrassed even writing this. I already struggle with feeling like I am always the one initiating intimacy, and this discovery has made me feel small and insecure. I have genuinely tried my best to take care of myself, to be attractive for him, and to be supportive in our marriage, but I feel lost and I'm starting to not care. I'm not interested in intimacy anymore.

I don’t want to jump to conclusions. I just want to understand what might be happening and how to approach this in a healthy way.

I also am trying my best to not have his problem affect me. How do sisters keep themselves confident and away from fitna when their husband have a porn addiction but they are trying to fix it?