Really don’t want to be here anymore.

People tell you to hang on in there and how it’ll get better, but I have spent almost all of my life waiting for it to get better and trying to change things and nothing has gotten any better. In fact, it has got worse and continues to get worse. Sure, I have the odd day I feel ok, but it’s not long until I’m back to feeling like this again. Believe me, I have tried so damn hard to change things and it very rarely if ever changes for the better. The rare time it does, it’s so short lived and never lasts.

To be truthful I hate life. I don’t enjoy it. Every day is a god damn struggle, and I just want an off switch or to go to sleep and never wake up. I genuinely don’t have a reason to carry on, yet people will constantly try to make you feel bad by saying things like “what about your family” I have tried to talk to people numerous times and it only makes me feel worse or misunderstood. I genuinely do not have a reason to be here.

Anyone I have ever loved, cared for and trusted has left, or my mental health has destroyed anything good. I feel like I am drowning every single day destined to be alone.