How do I get through this?

For some (a lot) of context, I, fourteen, live in a home with my father, fifty, and my sister, eleven. My mother passed away a little over three years ago now, so I’m kinda the woman of the house (I am a girl), in a way. moved into our current home six months before she passed. In our old house, my parents’ room was always messy, but the rest of the house was clean.

A bit after we moved into our new house, my mom, who already had several health issues before (i.e type 2 diabetes, arthritis, asthma) went into kidney failure, and had to use an at-home dialysis machine. And even when she wasn’t on the machine, she was always tired, so my father became the main caregiver.

A month before my mother passed, we got two new cats, doubling from our already owned two, so we had four. Then a year later, we got another one, so we had five now; which is the limit on how many you can have where I live. We have six litter boxes, three in the basement, three on the first floor, and instead frequently changing where we put the mess, my dad just puts it into an empty litter container and lets it fill up, so it probably always smells like feces, but I’ve become nose-blind to it, so I don’t smell anything.

The basement is also atrocious. We also just have to put the cat defecation into a a big black garbage bag, and let it build until it’s full. Yes, I’ve brought up rehoming two-three of cats, and changing the “collection” issue, but he is resistant, and I fear if I try to do something myself, he’ll get really mad at me. My maternal grandparents are also like this; their house is really messy, I would actually consider their house a hoarding house, but it is just clean enough to where you can still walk around, and they also have four cats. So our house is probably like heaven for them, so they haven’t even brought up anything about changing our situation.

The messiness is not the only problem. Our washer isn’t working, so we have to go a laundromat once a week, our kitchen sink doesn’t run water that well, because the pipes are small (our house was built in the 1930s). I’m in Pennsylvania, so we have moderate to severe cold weather, and for most of December to January, we didn’t have a working furnace, but it’s okay now. A lot of our canned food is expired, and I know this because my sister once tried to make a can soup, but it was all chunky and gross, and that was over a year ago, so it’s worse now. And most days of the week (4-6), he just has to put frozen food in the oven, but then he claims he’s too tired to do anything. But my younger sister and I can make our own food But my dad doesn’t like throwing things away. Our shower is also an issue, because our hot doesn’t work properly, and you have to turn something on separate from the bathroom (it’s complicated).

I will give him some slack though, because he works full time, or at least close to that. It’s confusing because when he doesn’t work at home, he leaves at around 8 am after my sister leaves for school (I leave about and hour and a half earlier than that), and then comes home around one to two pm before I come home, so he must be very efficient. When it’s warmer, he does travel and do a lot of field work because he does like, blasting to clear land for construction, but it’s winter, so he’s been home a lot, but is still employed. But yeah, with the two children and traveling and planning activities and paying bills, he has a lot on his plate, so I can’t put too much blame on him.

I do partially blame myself for not trying harder, but I do have school and stuff, which includes three honors classes, so I have homework every night, and also need time to take care of myself as well. I have recently been starting to definitely put more effort into my household duties.

P.S: I DID post a very similar post onto cleaning tips a few weeks ago, but I need more of a parental opinion besides raw cleaning advice