How to accept she treated me like shit?

I had a really unhealthy attachment/dependency needing constant external validation for the past 7 years. I have a long list of mental problems and traumas and only years later i’ve realize i was unintentionally manipulating her into constant reassurance. Towards the end she never did and and was so obviously stringing me along but it just made me try harder and get extremely desperate for attention until she finally ended things. When she started being distant I tried talking about it but got ignored and got any answers so I gave up and figured something is better than nothing. I can’t believe I let my self respect get that low it’s embarrassing but it happened.

I was constantly being gaslit into thinking it’s normal to ignore your “partner” all day (while being home and doing nothing), one word responses, never talking about themselves, treated like an afterthought and overall just like complete shit for someone that at one point loved me. No longer wanting to see me at all. About as one sided as it gets. She got a tattoo i didn’t even know about for a while. And I just took it cause I felt like I deserved it for ruining what we had. For some reason I thought if I just waited it out she’d go back to normal and see that I’m better mentally (i thought i was). I was miserable but thought if I said anything she’d leave me officially so I didn’t.

For some reason it’s really hard for me to acknowledge that we both treated each other poorly at times and she’s not as good of a person as I thought. I think about the times I hurt her (never intentional) and can’t comprehend how she willingly did. I’m sure she’d call it choosing herself but even if I was the one to lose feelings I can’t see myself ever doing that to someone I care about. I just can’t see the person I knew ever doing that but here I am and it happened and I dont know to accept that. I try to make excuses for her and wonder if I wasn’t being gaslit and it was actually my fault for being so needy. I don’t even know anymore there was a point for months I seriously couldn’t tell if I was being treated like shit and gaslit or if I was just mentally ill.