What to do when partner jerks off next to you?

Hi everyone— been a lurker and using a throwaway for this. I think I’m low-mid libido, it fluctuates often. Sometimes I’ll get moments of high libido.

Anyway, me (LLX) and my partner (HLX) have been together for almost a decade now. College sweethearts kind of thing but the one thing that has been consistent is that they never initiates or touches me. When they jerk off, they’ll do it next to me in bed while I’m trying to sleep or roll over once they thinks I’m asleep. I try not to glance at what they’re watching cause I’m afraid of being self conscious. I already have low self esteem and some body dysmorphia.

We had a talk last year about how I feel undesirable and lonely in our relationship. It shocked them because they never thought that was happening. I know they feel guilt for making me feel like that. Recently, they bought some more sex toys to play with but I’ve been struggling to think it’s genuine. I am still dealing with self doubt. If anything, I’m still thinking of he is attracted to me actually or not.