One week off meds

It has officially been one week since I went completely medication free. No sertraline. No duloxetine. Nothing.

Just over a year ago I started sertraline for depression and anxiety. At first I was hopeful. I wanted relief. I wanted stability. What I did not expect was how disconnected I would start to feel. Over time I felt like a confused zombie version of myself. I was forgetting simple everyday things. I was forgetting work tasks that normally would have been automatic. I felt dulled out and foggy. Functional, but not sharp. Existing, but not really present.

After about eight months, I switched to duloxetine. The difference was noticeable. I felt clearer. More like myself. Less fog. More energy. For a while it felt like I had found the right balance.

But eventually I started experiencing what felt like manic type symptoms. Increased stimulation. Racing thoughts. A wired energy that did not feel grounded. It became clear to me that something was off. That was the turning point where I decided I did not want to rely on medication anymore. I wanted to see who I was underneath all of it.

It has now been a week chemical free.

The withdrawal has been real. Dizziness that comes and goes. Brain zaps that feel like quick electrical flickers in my head. Irritability that shows up faster than I would like. Head pressure. Sensory overstimulation. Moments where decision making feels heavier than usual. Some random joint soreness. Even my hearing has felt slightly off at times.

None of it has been unbearable, but it has been uncomfortable.

What has surprised me most is that underneath all of it, I still feel like me. My core mood feels stable. I do not feel depressed. I do not feel out of control. I feel aware. I feel empowered. I feel like I am running an experiment rather than escaping something.

Exercise and mindfulness have been my anchors through this. They feel more real and earned than any pill ever did.

I do not know what the next few weeks will bring. I know relapse is possible. I know I may choose medication again in the future. But right now, one week in, I feel calm and confident in this decision.

This is not about rejecting treatment. It is about learning what my baseline truly is.

One week down. Still me.