Is chemical detransition without social detransition still counted as detransition?

I started reducing T in January 2025 and took my last shot in June 2025. Not because I felt female (I see myself as not really either, closer to a guy, so maybe genderfluid?) But I did feel like T went too far and I regret not stopping and going back on E years ago.

I could and did pass as a young boy routinely before I ever took my first shot of T. The main goal of even starting was to "grow up," and it did help a little, but it hit a wall where it stopped being helpful and started making shit ridiculous, because I waited far too long to get any changes to face or body structure. A little more of a hard and more proportionate body/face and a deeper voice was all I was really aiming for, plus social transition. I wish I'd had all options made available right from the beginning instead of "Men go bald and grow body hair, you have to accept this or you're not trans!" I would be much happier and not considering detransition if the reality of the situation (aka, my age and body type) had been acknowledged and a treatment plan that more closely met my needs formed.

Right now I'm dressing as I've always done, and just taking any pronouns people use. But I'm going back to school to get into a higher paid and more socially diverse field (worked in male-dominated jobs before) and taking my maintenance into my own hands. T can't masculinize my face shape, but surgery can, without all the skin problems. T helped me to build muscle and lose weight, aka my body actually responded to diet and exercise for the first time in my life. I would suspect that microdosing tirzepatide can do the same thing, especially once a generic can be made and it's more accessible. My voice is what it is, and I am largely happy with it. Hell, I can even get genital surgery if I wish, though I'm going to sit with that one and be very sure before I do one thing or the other.

It's not a perfect way forward. My hair is still a huge concern; in spite of being off T since last June, being on .1mg biweekly estradiol patch/2.5 daily finasteride/topical minoxidil, and growing baby hairs at the hairline and temples, I'm still getting a lot of diffuse shedding and I feel like it's thinner than when I originally stopped T. Believe me, I've heard all the shaming, I've heard all the "just shave it," I've heard the "It's okay to wear wigs," and I've been to therapy. But I'm just not comfortable as male or female without my thick, messy hair, and I plan on doing absolutely everything I can to preserve/regrow my natural hair. If anyone else dealt with similar, I'd like to hear from you. I know it's a slow and difficult process and E doesn't work as fast as T.

Another weird thing is the, for lack of a better word, "backsliding." E patches work really well for a while, but then it seems like androgenic activity starts returning. Dark hairs that had previously turned light and fine eventually pop back up on my face, for example, and head hair that looked to be growing in well thins back out again. The same "backsliding" happened in the other direction my first couple years on T pre-hysto. Is my body convinced it has balls now?? Has anyone else experienced similar?

And something that I'll be seeing my endo about next week, but would like to hear from any women or enbies who have been all across the hormone spectrum as well: If testosterone made you feel physically better in any way, do you feel like it might have been a stand-in for something else? In my case, I'm wondering if T helped fill in the gap for an HGH deficiency. I had normal periods pre-hysto, but I'm 4'11", have rather childlike face features even for a female, narrow shoulders, narrow ribcage, small jaw, large cranium, A-cup tits when I grew them (still say good riddance to those,) and as I said, a very hard time building muscle or losing fat before T. I know HGH has risks, but I'm curious about trying it and even more curious to hear from anyone in a similar boat.

Honestly I have no idea if I'm detransitioning, transitioning, or simply taking greater control and agency in my own medical care. What I do know is I can't say this shit in FtM spaces, and this sub seems like a surprisingly diverse group instead of regretful cis people only. So to all who read this to the end, thanks, and all who respond with support or information, thanks even more.