How long can it last? M45 F40

My partner and I have been together for the better part of 10 years. We have had some real ups and down, but no infidelity (that I know of) and no serious deal breakers. She is has a very anxious style of attachment and came from an emotionally abusive marriage. Every woman is a threat to her. I am an avoidant attachment style. Those styles are hard to manage, but the core issue is that we seem to have mismatched standards and value different things. I don't think that's a bad thing necessarily, but it's pretty tough to manage when it applies to our day-to-day.

We get along real well and can joke together and laugh and have fun. We have an active and rewarding sex life. But she is a procrastinator. She has this mindset that everything can be left to the very last minute, then a huge repair process has to happen. She is dismissive and aloof. She pays no attention to where she is in the house, what she's doing, or where she puts anything. I don't think she's a hoarder, but not far from it. The house is a mess and full to the brim with items. She places no value on household routine, cleanliness, chores or respect from her kids. And that stuff really bothers me. I want a clean house, I want the kids to be accountable and have tools for their adult life. I want to see a flat surface in this house and know that it will stay clear for more than a day.

And this is all stuff I'm just starting to notice, more. For all of those years, we've had separate houses, but now I'm living with her and I feel like I'm sequestered away to this little square of my own clean space, in the corner.

We disagree on money management. She can't save a dime, but refuses to let me take control of the finances or work with a budget. She prioritizes comfort for the kids above almost everything else.

Now, if you take all of those traits and reverse them, that's basically me. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Breaking up would mean both of us losing a lot, but the problems seem to be mounting faster than the solutions. Can it work out, or are we just spiraling the drain here?