Two daily users, blurred boundaries, and growing paranoia

We are both daily users. In the beginning it felt like it made us closer. More open, more intense, more connected. Lately it feels unstable and defensive.

There has been physical and emotional closeness between us. I miss that dynamic. When I try to talk about it, he says I over explain or make myself the victim. The shift happened fast.

To be clear, I am not trying to be in a relationship with him. I am not pushing for labels or a future. What has existed has been mutual and physical, and my intention has simply been to meet him where he is and satisfy what he says he wants. Nothing more.

He mentioned once that he worries about his reputation and how he can’t have it known that he is bi.. I would never expose him or damage his reputation. That is not who I am. But I wonder if that fear is sitting underneath everything now.

There is also complexity around identity. He has identified as straight but has acknowledged bisexual feelings. Add the fact that we are family, and I think that creates internal conflict, shame, or pressure that neither of us is fully naming.

I am trying to understand how much of this is relationship dynamics and how much daily stimulant use is amplifying insecurity, paranoia, and emotional swings.