SI Ketamine - please reply

I’ve had 2 Sessions the last has sent me into depression. This past weekend SI. Didn’t sleep Saturday night and had SI Sunday. I called a hospital -

After I shared they suggested for me to come in. I was having passive SI and there was concern it would turn active.

I didn’t go because I was out last year in and out of hospitals and residentials, PHPs IOPs

My company tried to give me a package two months in as I wasn’t myself and it was impacting the team I led. Yes it has gotten better.

My next Ketamine session is Tuesday. That was another reason.

I said I would Never go inpatient again. What do I do? I call the hospital which I said never go to again.

I would have gone yesterday. I need my head to stop and relax. I just want to let go and not feel anything.

To those reading, PLease provide feedback.