Returning after a purge for the first time in over a year...

over a year ago I was going through a tough break up and for a short period of time explored some cross dressing and chastity and prostate play. I ended up purging after a couple weeks out of shame. Well one night i ended up ordering panties and stockings and a cage and a vibrator for myself. idk how it happened, I was just watching porn and got really into the idea of denying and ruining myself to superior cocks fucking women. I'm hotly anticipating everything arriving. I don't really know exactly what I'm doing but I'm excited to try and enjoy some self ruining when it all arrives. I want to feel slutty and small. I'm just excited and also a little nervous