39 [M4R] - Colorado - Already planning for therapy to be my second largest expense this year. This is my way of saying I’m a big work in progress.

I’ve been in a strange state of mind for almost three years, contemplating big changes in my life but always pulling back to keep the status quo. Towards the end of last year I decided it was finally time to get out of my head a little try to make some progress. My core issue is not knowing who I am and what I want. I realized that for practically my entire life I would conform to my environment and other people so I could be accepted. Suppressing parts of myself and denying core parts of my personality. I am left feeling this emptiness now when I think about what I truly desire/want. It’s a bad feeling.

There are difficult choices that I’m in the process of making both with my personal and professional life. I’m someone who likes to have a plan and an idea of how things will work out but right now there is no way to predict what will happen so it’s a scary time for me. I hate the uncertainty and this is a main reason why I put off making changes for so long. I do think it’s necessary for me to confront my own feelings and instincts instead of constantly pushing them down. It’s pretty daunting but also kind of exciting in a way to think about what is ahead.

So with that long preamble, you might be wondering why am I here? I wanted to meet some people who are maybe going through the same things as me or have done so in the past. Ending a long term relationship, dealing with health issues, transitioning to a new career, healing from trauma, or moving to a new place, or any other big life changes. Let’s commiserate together, share notes perhaps. Interested in talking to people who intentional and not just those who are bored or want some kind of distraction.

Some other tidbits about me:

* Many of my hobbies are solitary, things like photography, cooking/baking, gardening, picking up random crafts/projects.

* I try to live a simple/minimalist life but don't always succeed and am constantly trying to figure out the things I need vs the things that are less essential.

* I feel like I straddle the line between introvert/extrovert, usually depends on the people I'm with and the energy of those around me.

* Despite my posting here, I'm a pretty offline person. I don't use any other social media so I likely will have no idea on any trend/meme.

* I keep up with the news, sports, and most current events. It’s almost always in written form, podcasts or videos/shorts are not my thing.

If you’re interested in starting a conversation, tell me a little bit about yourself. Do you have something on your mind and want to talk about that is similar to what I’m thinking about? I feel like my world is a bit limited so it’s interesting to hear about how others choose to live their lives. If we have some things in common, all the better. I have a tendency to be chatty so those who have a lot to say and don't mind a wall of text is preferred.