I'm Swimming Through Jello

I genuinely can't anymore the suicidal thoughts were bad last year and I used to feel like I was drowning but I was at least TRYING on my homework and shit but now I'm just stuck- not swimming not drowning just floating in the middle of the water, it feels like I'm walking through jello or having an out of body experience. I'm so fucking tired but sh hurts and I hate pain I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up again and my parents hate me and I wish I would just disappear. I adore setting up fish tanks and I have to set up 2 tanks and 2 jars so hopefully that'll drag me out of my stupor but even if it does, how long will it last? Math's a bitch, I'm so behind.

die die die I wish I could die

I want to live but I'm tired

I dunno what to do

I'm sorry for making you read this. I hope you get better (if you're struggling or not)!