I was groomed for 9 years.

When I was 18, I went to seek therapy after a very difficult period in high school and after high school with two attempts to take my own life. When the psychotherapist suggested i had adhd I felt so relieved. Finally, it all made sense with how I felt and my grades in school - I didn't finish school because I was overwhelmed and was ashamed I was too dumb.

Going into pychotherapy I think the most insidious nature of all of this is that in this kind of dynmaic they actually recreate roles in order for the therapy to work - like they actually create in place of a father figure for example - so really how was I to know that a professional who was doing this would be doing this for any other gain than to help?

I can see now the insidious nature of it all. It is still depely confusing as the psychotherapist also acted as and had the license of a GP to prescribe medications. So he prescribed me benzos and other meds, he became the main provider of all things in my ''treatment'' and then acted as an advisor and a mentor eventually. It was soo indisdeous and slow.

Now I have come off of so many meds he prescribed me and im only 28. I can no longer feel any emotion because my body had enough. I am starting therapy with this lady to process all of this. This is the first time in my adult life that I am off of psych medications.

It is such a massive betrayal. For what?

Now I have to pick up the pieces of my own reality. I can see now that I was a good target. For the space I was in. back then. And I can see also how eveyrthing i thought was strnage I brushed off as being part of the treatment. Lots of things helped and lots of things did not help. I wanted to be so aware of myself and be the best version of myself to myself and others and he took advantage of that.

It is sooo messed up that someone in this position would do something like this to this extent.
a bunch of things that happened to me:

working for him

Overprescription of meds

therapy on my parents and boyfriends and friends

saying I need benzos for life

getting me to ask my friends to come and see him

having all of his patients do work and favours for him