My (F27) Boyfriend’s (M29) Family Wants to Name Our Baby

TL;DR: My boyfriend’s family is insisting that his sister name our first child due to their culture. When he tried to compromise, they threatened to withhold involvement and cultural teaching. I feel like this is about control, not culture, and I’m struggling because my boyfriend sees it as love. I don’t know how to tell him that it’s manipulative without seeming like I’m not being respectful of his family and culture.

I am not sure where to post this, but thought this may be the best place to seek advice in this situation. I (F27) am currently pregnant, and my boyfriend (M29) and I have been together for about 5 years. His family is insisting that his sister must name our first child due to their cultural tradition. I tried to compromise by offering that she choose the middle name, but she refused. She said that if we don’t concede, she and his family won’t be very involved in our child’s life and won’t teach them about their culture. What makes this harder is that earlier in our relationship, I did try to fully respect and participate in his culture. I lived with his family because that’s what was expected, but it became emotionally unbearable. I didn’t feel like my space or boundaries were respected. His mom walked in on me in the bathroom, and she would constantly knock on our door, sometimes even late at night, to ask for him. His sister was also making rules for the household. I didn’t feel like I had the chance to do anything other than stay in the room at all times. I became depressed and told my boyfriend I was moving out with or without him because I couldn’t do it anymore. He chose to come with me. Since then, his family has always had a lot to say about our choices, and it often feels manipulative, especially now with the baby. I’ve researched this naming tradition, and historically it’s tied to establishing authority within the family. I’m not willing to give anyone authority in my household or over a child I am carrying and birthing. My boyfriend says he understands that it’s ultimately our choice, but he’s sad because one of his biggest insecurities is that he doesn’t know much about his culture, and now his family is essentially threatening to withhold it.

I feel bad for him, but I also don’t think holding something as important as culture over someone’s head is love, it’s control. I could really use advice on how to support him without giving in to something that feels manipulative and disrespectful of my role as a parent. How can I communicate to him that it’s not okay in a way where he won’t feel like I’m attacking his culture or family?