Went to cafe boy's place after work.

Didn't fuck. He just held me and stroked my hair and my shoulders and arms until I fell asleep. He made me feel safe.

I woke up again but now he's asleep. He snores a bit but it's not annoying at all. Kind of cute to me. I want to wake him up and tell him to pls fuck me.. I want it. I know he would fuck me if I wake him up now but I also want him to sleep.. he doesn't sleep enough.. he works too much. I touched his hand.. put my fingers around his... I kissed his hand. He didn't wake up. Felt like crying but didn't. Is this what I'm when I'm regulated? I almost don't recognise myself when I'm like this. I still want sex and that closeness you get from sex but I'm ok just holding his hand while he sleeps. I'm so boring when I feel safe and loved.