Depression/anxiety

Dealt with anxiety my whole life and depression would come and go. I’m currently going through a bad break up and on top of that I’m a college student and also have to pretend for my parents and siblings as if I’m Oky when in reality I’m not. This weekend was so bad I’ve been in bed can’t shower haven’t ate in weeks and finally told my parents I need help and I need to go to the doctors.they are so against it. Fast forward I’m literally sitting the hospital as I write this both parents are making me feel bad about my decisions but they don’t understand the harmful thoughts I have and how I feel. I’ve been looking up anti depressants and made the decision that I should tell my doctor I want to start taking an antidepressants but my parents are making me feel like i shouldn’t and now I’m a bit scared and doubting myself. When I was a teen I dealt with my social anxiety by smoking and drinking I’m an adult now and I do not smoke or drink at all it’s been like 5/6 years since I’ve drank or smoked literally raw dogging life .