meditated in a calm place

And I felt fine but now I feel like I should just leave everything behind and i'm not sure what else, but like theres no reason for anything? And I have everything decently good all things considering except some issues which i need to deal with) but other than that like on paper its fine.

But I feel like just somehow none of that matters? and I've been nudged to just leave everything but I never fully encapsulated that.. but like why care?

Everything is like hinging on random specific contexts.

and

then

nothing, like im called back and away from everything cause why should i care? and if theres no actual reason for anything why go through with anything? like im on a good path to a decent career and everything, probably, but at the same time I don't really have a reason to do anything other than "well you can't just not have a job" like I enjoy my major but at the same time theres no actual reason to move foward? It feels really distant.

and I just want to leave everything behind somehow in a way... in a sort of irresponsible way where theres no real turning back cause I've burnt too many bridges way... but like just not care. Just understand. Just go.