fuck this fuckass cult (vent)

I can't form fucking relationships, I can't trust people, I don't know who I am. I can't do anything I can't function, I've wasted nearly 2 decades on this shit and for what. The church has never done anything but hurt me and I gave them my whole life. I should've been doing things with people who care about me, instead of spending hours every week trying not to bash my head against a wall surrounded by the most immature assholes who'll say anything if they think it'll get me to show up. I hate myself for things that could never have been my fault, for things that aren't even bad, for things that will make my parents stop loving me. It doesn't matter what I know cause this shit hurts. No one deserves to live like this. These are allegedly the best years of my life, and I get to spend them fighting trauma from a sex cult and dead racist pedophiles. I just wanna be normal