I took a break with my bf (21M) and me (18F)

We’ve been together for almost 3 years. We often gets in stupid arguments, it always starts with me telling him about how I feel about something he did and he gets so defensive and never apologizes unless I ask him to, which is not normal.. I just want to feel like he cares about how I feel, but he doesn’t hear this… and then he blames it on me saying that I don’t listen to him..? It’s always like this and it’s getting super heavy cause we almost broke up twice cause of it. We can’t understand each other, it’s impossible. Even after we’re all calmed down. His lack of empathy is a real problem, we’ve been having the same discussion again and again but it feels like he will never change. I love this man it’s really hurting me rn. I’ve even tried to bring up therapy but he thinks it won’t change anything which I doubt, but him saying this and not even trying shows me that maybe he doesn’t think it’s worth the effort. I know he loves me and breaking up is the last thing he wants to do but I have no hope. Any thoughts on what to do when both partners can’t understand each other?