Alone and mentally struggling

So I had my total hysterectomy (kept ovaries), IUD removal and endometriosis excision surgery about 4ish weeks ago. I’m so so so happy I went through with all of it and genuinely do feel so much relief now that it’s all done with. Literally no regrets at all. I’m trying to take it easy and rest as much as I can but it’s been a bit tricky while living alone. I don’t have a supportive/involved family (narcissists) or any support/friends to talk to outside of my therapist and I work remotely. (The joy of being chronically ill is that all your friends go away).

On and off over the past week I’ve been really struggling with this overwhelming sense of dread/panic/anxiety/fear. I’m trying all my usual calming practices and am writing this to journal and get it out, but holy shit I absolutely hate this feeling and it won’t go away. We just started getting into some heavier topics in therapy as well (sexual trauma) and I’m wondering if that might have something to do with it as well. Aside from my therapist, who is fantastic, I just desperately need support outside of that right now and am not getting it at all.

I want my mom to tell me she’s proud of me for doing all this on my own, I want her to actually look up what endometriosis is and not just try to make her way into my follow up appointment to ask the doctor stupid questions to make it look like she’s an “involved parent” even though she’s asked me no questions about any of the procedure or recovery. I want her to understand how hard all of this has truly been for me and have even an ounce of empathy.

I don’t want to up my anxiety meds and am hoping it’s just my hormones being unbalanced post op. I think just support and validation is what I need most right now. Any suggestions or advice would be so appreciated, thank you for reading ❤️