This change of environment

Honestly, getting a second job at another bar is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.

Everything is different there, I’m meeting new people and reconnecting with others that I haven’t seen or spoken to in years.

I still love the bar I’m “leaving” but still staying one night a week and to help if they ever need me for events or a fill in.

My mental health is finally improving. I’ve known for a long time I needed change. So I finally freaking did it even though I was terrified to do so.

I’ve reached out to the one who has always been like a father figure in my life and the one who created the strong work ethic inside of me. And he told me of another bar he frequents at once a week and they could really use some help to fix it up. Because I still have a few open days in my week that I need to fill with work and make money. Especially while my car is completely falling apart and I don’t know how to get a new one with my current financial situation and life changes.

Everything works out the way it’s supposed to. I know everything will be ok and if not, better.

It still sucks that all day, every day all I want to do is talk to him. I want to see him. Only him. Even the distance and change of environment hasn’t changed the love that I carry in my heart for him.

I love him. I’d choose him again and again if he would let me. But I’ve never been the one that he chooses.

I love him being apart of my life. He makes everything better inside of me. God I fucking love him..

While we get through the busy season and I keep my one shift there working with him….i know the right thing to do is leave that job fully. I’m gonna soak up all of him that I can within the next couple months. Then I need to cut ties and go no contact for a long while. Hopefully by the fall season, my heart will have had enough time to detach and we can at least be friends like he’s asked for. And can talk in a regular basis.

Once my heart detaches from someone, it never reattaches. So at least then we can finally be friends without my feelings being so consumed of him.

I need him in my life. He’s my best friend. So if I have to go no contact to unleash my string attached to his heart. And so that he can meet and be with the one is heart truly desires without me interfering and becoming a twat monster that hurts him, I need to leave. I have to detach my heart from someone who doesn’t need or want it, so I can make room for the one that does.

Thanks for listening ♥️

I’ve just had a lot to let out with no one to talk to about it.