Clarity of the Dom's role in guiding?

After a number of conflicts with a sub that I've been exploring with for a few months, I'm seeing a disturbing trend. Whenever I bring up something that she is doing that is damaging to our growing relationship, or something that's hurtful to me, she immediately gets on me for "lecturing" her. I'm not mean, aggressive, demeaning, accusatory, angry, or overly emotional. I come from a generally calm place of "I'm seeing this behavior and this is the effect it's having on me and us, and I'm not comfortable with it." Generally within 4 or 5 sentences I've been accused of lecturing her. In her words "A submissive does not get lectured, they get helped. He notices when his sub is having big emotions and uses his stability to ground her and help her be better next time." She has also said that during conflict, when I speak slowly and with consideration for my words, it's a problem because she feels like she's being lectured.

My question is, how can a Dom guide his sub when she shuts down any conversation about how her actions, words, or behaviors are actively hurtful or damaging to the relationship. Even if I wait until the conflict has calmed down and come back later and say "I'd like to talk about what happened and what didn't sit right if you're open to hearing it," I get reamed for it. She gets to tell me everything that I do wrong, she gets to admit her faults afterwards, but there is no room for me to discuss her behavior unless it's fully supportive and validates whatever she said.

What is really surprising and confusing is that she has been in multiple TPE M/s relationships, some up to 5 years long. I have trouble believing that she somehow never got corrected or had her behavior addressed in those.