Please can someone tough love talk me into cutting off my siblings - a WELL needed decision

• Not the usual post but please hear me out.... I feel like U guys could help me more , to snap up.

Basically, I want and NEED to cut off two siblings, but I have avoided it because 1 I was afraid of them getting mad and creating drama for me, gossiping me etc, (at the same time, I don't rly care anymore about that as much but not enough)

2 I feel guilty because their children some of them are attached to me, I love them but I would rather lose them than fontinue keeping the adults (my siblings) in my life any longer.

I , like many of us... Grew up with some toxicity in the family, I know I'm better off without them hell, I crave it everyday basically. I feel sick and dread having them in my life even while keeping a distance.

I'm sad at myself for letting myself down by putting it off for so long, Not to mention now theyre having some life issues and they need me more for childcare, etc, .

I'm drained.

Worst of all

• Because I have let myself down by IGNORING this NEED and urge , DESIRE to cut them off, it's actually making me idk.... Idk , feel detached from my own life, and causes me to not take life as seriously but in a bad way..

Basically, I used to be so quick to cut off anyone , I was all about peace and putting myself first, and focusing on myself and my life.

But after all of this, I find myself just ... Losing myself and its more easy for me to let myself down in other ways and areas of my life.

Genuinely keeping them in my life is making me feel like I'm not truly LIVING my life

Please help, it's so complicated , I don't want drama , I don't want to hurt the children, but at the same time I can't go on like this anymore I really can't.

I have absolutely no connection with them, I feel empty and dread around them + have to be cautious of what I say and share etc because they can be judgmental and gossipy

Safe to say they need to go, for my own oeage and wellbeing, I'm like 21 soon and at 19 I was sooooo close.to just cutting them out. But yet I let fear and the rest stop me.

I have let myself down. I cant keep doing this.

Has anyone been in this situation? I just need someone to push me 🥺😭🥲