Survival 2

I don’t understand why my body won’t let me when I try. Every time I get close, this insane wave of anxiety hits or it’s like my body just shuts it down, no matter how badly I think I want to.

I quit everything else so easily. I haven’t turned in assignments in who knows how long. Haven’t filled out work paperwork. Laundry just piles up. Art projects half done. I’m basically doing nothing. I’m fully capable of wrecking my entire life piece by piece, but when it comes to actually trying to end it, I’m terrible at it.

It’s not even about being scared I’ll fail. It’s like my body goes into panic mode. Everything feels muffled, like I’m underwater. My heart starts racing out of nowhere, pounding so fast it feels unreal. All I can really register are chills and this overwhelming rush in my chest.